Days 19, 20 & 21 – hospital stuff

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Today’s day 21 which marks the end of the first 3 weeks of this challenge. As I said before I’m not sure if I’m feeling any actual benefit with all the stress going on, but then that’s not the point of it anyway. The point is to raise awareness of Cowden Syndrome and money towards research.

This morning Charlotte had an appointment at the breast clinic, she with Cowden Syndrome has an 85% lifetime risk of breast cancer, with the risk getting higher as she gets older. Her oncologist found a couple of new lumps in her breast and sent her to be checked. It is also quite common for teenagers with Cowden Syndrome to have fibroids in their breasts. So it’s most likely nothing serious but I will worry like crazy until we get results back. I always do. My daughter was incredibly brave as always, by the time they had taken 5 core biopsies from 2 lumps I was shaking inside and fighting to stop it from showing on the outside.

I hate that she has to go through this. I had one of those moments today where I realised how use we have become to the abnormal. I said to the nurses attending to my daughter that she and I were looking forward to when she was old enough to have a double mastectomy. She looked horrified, she looked like she could cry. But it’s true. To her her breasts are just a source of worry.

My son has been found somewhere to live away from where we are. Everything I have read on addiction and breaking the cycle says the person has the best chance if they are away from the places and people they associate with their addiction. I hope it works. Of course he could go looking for a new dealer at his new location. If that’s the case there’s very little anyone can do. I wonder if any of this would have happened if my daughter hadn’t had cancer, or did this all start when I was up and down to hospitals.

I find the reality of him actually moving out heartbreaking, for all the difficulties my family has faced we have always been close. We’ve always had each other, now one of us will be missing.

Today has been one of those days where the knawing hole inside my chest feels like it’s becoming so big I will simply disappear inside it.

As it was a hospital day it was mostly eating out. I don’t actually find eating sugar free out of the house that desperately difficult. A snack at Costa was fruit, lunch at pret a protein box without the sauce and at the cinema black coffee and nuts. Eating out sugar free really is keep it simple and not have the dressing. Coffee wise either black or skip the chocolate in a cappuccino and have cinamon, it’s genuinely lovely.

My daughter and I had a pleasant spot in the day when we went to the new Everyman cinema in Newcastle which really is beautiful. Sofas and tables plus being allowed to take an actual ceramic cup and saucer into the cinema! Oh the civility

Total sugars today and the past few days as I hadn’t blogged since Tuesday

Finally a toe update, yup it’s broken which is seriously annoying especially as the gym is my sanity. I found some two sizes too big shoes in Primark for my swollen fat foot though that should allow me to use the bike erg which is something!

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