Day 9 – Father’s day pie, struggling with life stuff. Charlotte and POTs

Father’s Day, which 2/3 of our children basically forgot. The one with a job hastily threw money at the problem… literally. The one without went for the time old classic “it’s lost in the post” oh his great great great great grandfather would be proud. Apparently the old ones are the good uns including with excuses. He then turned it round to he would be able to prove this but he couldn’t because evil evil mam had confiscated his phone and he only has access to that email from his phone. Not from a computer. For reasons. Of course. The girl had bought father’s Day stuff probably the day after last year’s father’s Day just in case. She’s going to be one of those folk who finish Xmas shopping in April and wrapping by May.

It’s looking likely that Charlotte throwing up, violently, All day was in fact due to Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. A quick read on the webs and it seems this indeed can be a thing with POTs. We need to see someone about this as she was in a real state. Which left me 80% worried about her and 20% feeling guilty as I had social out out plans that I’d wanted to keep and couldn’t. One of the tough things about being a carer is feeling guilty if you ever feel disappointed. Of course the sick person had it worse and that’s where the guilt comes from but it’s tough not being able to make plans and stick to them. People who haven’t been in the situation or one similar simply don’t understand, they think you’re just unreliable, flaky or making excuses. After a while a lot of people just stop inviting you. Which sucks. But it’s part of living with a chronic illness or caring for someone with a chronic illness. I still wouldn’t change my girl for the world.

Food in words and pictures

Breakfast

Berries, goat yoghurt cacao nibs

Lunch

Shepherd pie – homemade with turkey mince, carrot peas, chicken stock, potatoes, sweet potatoes

Dinner

Home made popcorn with salt, cocoa, made with cocoa powder and unsweetened almond milk

Total sugar

Today’s exercise

A dog walk into Alnwick centre around it and back home. Fun fact where we live has a large castle Alnwick castle and the town use to reside within a wall. The street either is named Bondgate Within and Bondgate Without.

This is the old gate

A little thing on the way home made me happy, these lovely yellow flowers.

Then it was a yoga plus CrossFit session

Day 16/260

Day 16/260
Well I know why yesterdays was such a bad workout, turns out I’ve picked up a bug of some kind. Probably when I was in hospital with my 15-year-old son on Monday. It’s one of those ones where you feel lousy and want to do nothing other than curl up and nap, except you actually know that you aren’t so poorly you can’t fight through. Ugh just the worst, so I’ve spent the day studying as I should and went to the gym as I had planned. I must admit I would not have gone today if I wasn’t doing this challenge. I suspect there will be numerous episodes like this as I am quite run down. The past couple of years with my daughter’s cancer, cowden syndrome and various illnesses has had an impact on me. Which I almost feel ashamed to admit, as a mum I want to strong all the time for my kids especially when they are going through something awful. But of course, it affects me, I think there are few things worse than your child being ill. I would willingly take it from her in a heartbeat and be the one facing this path. After she was diagnosed I was tested too and came back negative for a PTEN gene disorder, I wept openly. Not because I relieved but because I was disappointed, I did not want her to have this alone. I felt so guilty I didn’t have the same issue. I know that sounds weird but it’s how I felt. I have felt powerless, useless, guilty, lost, depressed and generally exhausted. But I’ve also felt angry, not the kind of anger that turns on others the kind that gives a determination to do change the world. The kind that allows us to fight and fight I will for her for everyone with a PTEN disorder, for the rest of my life. I will fight. I suspect though that there will be a few ups and down in my own health over the next year which is to be expected, we all know stress is the biggest cause of well everything. So this will be an interesting CrossFIt journey for those of you following, usually things go “person started fitness challenge, person raised loads of dosh and became super fit” mine may be more “person started fitness challenge, had 7 million setbacks became a little fitter and (hopefully) raised loads of dosh”

I scaled the weight down and replaced wall balls with ball slams due to feeling rather awful. Photo is J dog looking how I feel!

Yoga :- Ashtanga standing sequence

CrossFIt :- 3 x5 strict press at 25 kg

Pull up prep

10 ball slams
10 burpees
x2 rounds

rest 2 mins repeat x 3

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I hate Thrusters

Today was day 11 of 260 CrossFit workouts, and it contained both burpees and thrusters. I have kinda made my peace with burpees, I am not terribly fast or probably terribly graceful but I can tick along quite nicely with burpees, barely muttering under my breath as I go. But thrusters, ugh I’d rather wax something…anything! Even a bikini wax would be better than thrusters. I’m sure I will eventually make peace with them as well at some point but I doubt that will be any time soon. Oh and while I was doing pull up progressions as my coach calls it (essentially I hang from a bar in a giant elastic band) I actually hauled myself up to chest to bar height, a whole twice! I know, go me!